The issue of sexual intimacy between a husband and wife has given rise to many confusions. It needs to be appreciated that in this regard, the Shari‘ah has explicitly prohibited two things:

1. Intercourse during menses.

2. Anal intercourse.

These restrictions are mentioned in the following verse of the Qur’an: 

وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْمَحِيضِ قُلْ هُوَ أَذًى فَاعْتَزِلُواْ النِّسَاء فِي الْمَحِيضِ وَلاَ تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّىَ يَطْهُرْنَ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللّهُ إِنَّ اللّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ (2: 222)

And they ask you about menstruation. Tell them: It is a kind of impurity. So keep away from women during their menstrual periods and do not approach them until they are in a state of purity. Then when they are clean after having bathed, go to them from where God has enjoined you. Indeed, God loves those who constantly repent and keep themselves clean. (2:222)

 This means that, barring these two restrictions, everything else has been left to the taste and inclination of the husband and wife. The freedom they have in this regard is very aptly expressed in the following verse:  

نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُواْ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّى شِئْتُمْ وَقَدِّمُواْ لأَنفُسِكُمْ وَاتَّقُواْ اللّهَ وَاعْلَمُواْ أَنَّكُم مُّلاَقُوهُ وَبَشِّرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ( (2: 223

These women of yours are your cultivated land; go, then, into your lands in any manner you please [and through this] plan for the future [of both this and the next world] and remain fearful to God. Bear in mind that you shall meet Him [one day]. And [O Prophet!] Give good tidings [of success and salvation] to the believers [on that Day]. (2:223)

 The portion of the verse: ‘So come to your cultivated land in whatever manner you want to’ refers to the liberty and freedom with which a person is allowed to come close to his wife. It is similar to how a farmer approaches his land. While explaining the expression ‘أَنَّى شِئْتُمْ فَأْتُوا حَرْثَكُمْ’ (go then, into your lands in any manner you please), Imam Amin Ahsan Islahi writes: 

[This] alludes simultaneously to two things: On the one hand, it refers to the liberty, freedom and free manner with which a farmer approaches his land, and on the other hand refers to the responsibility, caution and care which he must exercise in approaching his land. The word ‘حَرْثٌ’ refers to the latter and the word ‘أَنَّى شِئْتُمْ’ to the former. It is both this liberty and caution which ascertain the correct behavior of a husband with his wife in this regard.

 

Everyone knows that the real bliss of married life is the freedom a person has in intimate affairs barring a few broad restrictions. The feeling of this freedom has a great amount of euphoria around it. When a person is with his wife in intimate moments, Divine will seems to be that he be overcome with emotions but at the same time it is pointed out to him that he has come into a field and an orchard; it is no wasteland or a forest. He may come to it in whatever manner and in whatever way whenever he pleases, but he must not forget that he has landed in his orchard. The Qur’an has no objection on the discretion, choice and majesty with which he approaches his field if he knows full well where he is going and in no way is oblivious of this reality.[25]

 One aspect of the husband and wife relationship is that while fulfilling many other needs, it is also a means of satisfying the sexual urge. If this urge is satisfied between them, it secures their modesty and curbs sexual anarchy. However, if this urge is not quenched between the two, it might lead to grave deviations. It is because this relationship shields a husband and wife from any deviations that they are called each other’s robes: 

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَ أَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ (2 :187)

They [your wives] are [like] a robe for you and you [like] a robe for them. (2:187) 

One can construe in the light of what has been said above that Islam has neither imposed any restriction on the position or posture for sexual intimacy nor explicitly stopped the couple from orally stimulating the sexual organs. However, a person must always bear in mind that Islam is a religion that stands for purification and cleanliness – both physical and spiritual. A person’s own nature, if it is not perverted, guides him to be selective and refined in exercising this discretion. He may have the liberty to do anything in this regard, but he should always remember that the spirit and essence of this liberty dictate that he should not become an animal. Consequently, cunnilingus and fellatio may not be prohibited by the Shari‘ah but they seem to be against the norms of a refined taste ingrained in human nature that has not been perverted.

It also needs to be appreciated that during menses, only sexual intercourse is forbidden as is evident from 2:222 quoted above. Other forms of sexual intimacy are allowed. Anas Ibn Malik reports in the Sahih of Imam Muslim: 

أن اليهود كانوا إذا حاضت المرأة فيهم لم يؤاكلوها ولم يجامعوهن في البيوت فسأل أصحاب النبي النبي فأنزل الله تعالى ] ويسألونك عن المحيض قل هو أذى فاعتزلوا النساء في المحيض إلى آخر الآية [ فقال رسول الله اصنعوا كل شيء إلا النكاح (مسلم رقم: 302)

Amongst the Jews, when a woman menstruated, they did not dine with her nor did they live with her in their houses. So the companions of the Prophet asked him and Allah revealed ... (See 2:222 above). The Prophet then said: ‘You can do everything except having intercourse with her’. (Muslim, No: 302)

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[25]. Ibid., p. 527